


FUTURE NOSTALGIA

by mainland



Category: THE9, 青春有你2, 青春有你2 | Youth With You 2 (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mainland/pseuds/mainland
Summary: Zeng Keni can do 1,000 crunches but she can't confess to the girl she likes.
Relationships: Cai Zhuoyi/Zeng Keni, Yu Yan/Zeng Keni
Comments: 10
Kudos: 80





	FUTURE NOSTALGIA

**Author's Note:**

> the a/b/o is so minor you may wonder why it was included at all, to which i have no response except... happy 10th anniversary to the invention of omegaverse. love these girls!!

These days, thinking about the future makes Keni feel like a better, more thoughtful person. Like a person who is patient and values every moment, who will pause on a walk to notice a wildflower or the colour of the sky. Maybe even the kind of person who will wake up at 6 a.m. to watch the sun rise, like Jin Zihan does (just occasionally though, not every day—she doesn't feel like a _crazy_ person).

It cheers her up to take that perspective, at least until the next time she forgets and the doom slams into her again like a full body-check after a wrong dance step. It's tiring to remember to be positive, but easier than admitting that the future actually makes her feel like she's on a slowly sinking ship. She's on multiple ships, all of them sinking. The ship of her career, the ship of her youth, the ship of her health, the ship of her—

"You're generating wrinkles again."

Keni immediately raises her brows and juts out her chin, stretching out any potential lines. "Am not."

"Okay, fritter away your one competitive advantage." Lingzi shrugs her shoulders, which are pressed against her knees in one of her pretzel stretches.

"I have more advantages than my face!" Keni protests.

"You're only two centimetres taller than me, officially, and we have identical proportions," Lingzi says. She unknots herself and looks Keni dead in the eye, which makes the back of Keni's neck prickle and she almost bares her teeth before she catches herself.

Lingzi gives a slight, satisfied smile, but still asks, "What's wrong?"

Keni snaps the hair elastic off her wrist to throw at Lingzi, pretending to be annoyed by the uncalled-for challenge, though they both constantly and playfully test each other and typically she's the more aggressive one. "I have abs," she asserts, a retort Lingzi has heard a hundred times. "It's nothing. Just thinking about, um, how it's a shame the show is going by so quickly. Like what's the hurry, you know? Why not give the viewers a chance to get really attached?"

Lingzi doesn't miss a beat. "Is this about Yu Yan?"

"What!" Keni says. "Why! Why would it be about her?"

"I'm just saying, you're already plenty attached."

"I said the viewers," Keni says. "And this is not about specific people. I'm contemplating how everybody should take their time more because life is like, so short."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I don't want you to contemplate taking your time on anything right now." Lu Keran is at their door, arms crossed. "Didn't we say a ten-minute break to digest after lunch and then back to the practice room? Hurry up, Zeng Keni."

"Zizi is here too, why are you picking on me," Keni complains but gathers up her water bottle and practice towel. Lingzi pats her abs comfortingly and, despite always claiming she has no skill for acting, bypasses her to join Keran with the confidence of someone who too had been waiting on Keni—ha!

Keni doesn't deny that she is plenty attached to Yu Yan. There's no point; it's obvious, and she kind of makes a point of making it obvious. She knows the picture she and Lingzi make when they walk into a room: a pair of supermodel alphas, practically twins, exuding enough dominance that the camera doesn't even need to pan over their lean musculature to show how strong they are. It's a whammy of a first impression, and one could almost get the idea that they're _too_ strong if it weren't for Keni's willingness to play puppy and Lingzi's porcelain-vase elegance.

Unsurprisingly, netizens think it's cute that Keni is so browbeaten by ruthless omega Yu Yan, whose top-nine popularity is just the cherry on top. That's what her manager tells her on their scheduled phone calls, and what An Qi said once during a late night alphas-only vent session, though in less callous terms. So Keni is aware of the optics and dutifully does her part to feed them, but mostly she makes her attachment to Yu Yan obvious because she can't bring herself to confess in freaking words.

Keni has probably liked Yu Yan for an embarrassingly long time but she's only recently admitted it to herself. Admitting it to anyone else makes her want to grab on to the nearest steady object and take a deep breath.

"Ow, haha," says Cai Zhuoyi.

Keni releases Zhuoyi's wrist and drops an apology kiss on it. "Sorry, I was thinking about something else."

"That's okay," Zhuoyi says. She loops her arms around Keni's neck and Keni snuggles closer, her forehead pressed to the bare underside of Zhuoyi's breast. "Was it about Yu Yan?"

"Why do people keep asking me that," Keni mutters to herself, but she can't play dumb with Zhuoyi, seeing as Zhuoyi is the only person Keni has confessed to about her feelings. "Yeah. Is that weird?"

"To have the alpha in my bed thinking of another omega?" Zhuoyi's eyes twinkle almost as much as her pearly teeth. "I don't know if this has ever happened to me before, but I don't mind."

"If it ever happens to you again I'll rip out the asshole's throat," Keni says darkly. Zhuoyi is widely acknowledged on set as the ideal omega, even among other perfect girls like Zihan and Lin Xiaozhai. There was some flurry online after the trainees voted her as such during their ranking segment, mostly due to the officially unconfirmed rumour of her having already been mated, and worse, broken her mating bond. Keni knows the truth, has nosed over the faded nape scar that Zhuoyi takes great care to cover with makeup.

"Thank you, I appreciate it. Now what's on your mind?" Zhuoyi strokes Keni's sweat-damp hair, so unconditionally sweet and good, and Keni presses a grateful kiss to her ribcage. She's lucky she gets to help Zhuoyi with her ghost heats—they're all on suppressants, but Zhuoyi is one of those rare omegas whose hormones are so potent she still experiences mild symptoms every month. If Keni weren't an apparent masochist and Zhuoyi didn't maybe have an eye for a certain solitary butch, they might've had potential for a decent happily ever after.

As it is, Keni is lying in the arms of the objectively nicest-smelling omega she's ever met, after one of the best orgasms of her life, longing instead for the nose-stinging acridity that develops in Yu Yan's smoky scent whenever she's especially exasperated.

Keni didn't quit a safe career with the Shanghai Song and Dance Troupe because she prefers the easy road, after all.

"I'm just freaking out imagining me telling her."

"The fact that you plan on telling her at all is already very brave, you know."

"I have to! It would be so lame to like her this much and never find out what happens. Or could happen. I'm just running out of time." The top 20 elimination is just around the corner, and after that, the final stretch. Keni is not really sure how many episodes are left to film or how many days translate to two hours of footage, but the walls are closing in. Sooner or later, she's going to have to pack her bags and Yu Yan will debut, and who knows when they'll have time for each other again. Keni misses her cat and her freedom so badly, but given the choice she would like just a little bit more time in the bubble of _Qing Chun You Ni 2_.

"Well, I'm here if you need any help getting her alone or setting the scene or something. I promise I'm a great cupid."

Keni looks at the wall clock and counts how many minutes they've spent away from practice and how many more they can spare. She sits up and cracks her fingers, swinging one lean thigh over Zhuoyi's hip.

"Baby, let me pay my thanks in advance."

Keni isn't going to rehearse or script her confession—they get enough of that on a daily basis—but it seems worthwhile to at least do some research if she's trying to be a more virtuous and contemplative person.

"Zeng Keni, you're skulking around a lot lately."

So far, zero marks for contemplation. She should've come up with a discreet cover story before knocking on the door of dorm 21. Keni tries to beam at Zhao Xiaotang and holds up a packet of spicy beancurd snacks.

"Just came back from the convenience store and thought I'd be your treat fairy. Midnight energy boost?"

"Keni, get out of here with your six-pack if you're just going to tempt us to eat after midnight." Yu Shuxin sniffs. On the bunk across from her, Lin Xiaozhai stops braiding Kong Xue'er's hair to hold out a hand and Keni gratefully passes her the bag. She'd hoped to find Xiaozhai here too, especially since she didn't smell anything pungent cooking on her way over.

"Soybeans have protein," Keni says.

"Anyway, what's a big alpha like you doing, sneaking past our floor chaperone and bribing us so late?" Shuxin taps her mouth with one dainty hand, the other held in Xiaotang's lap while Xiaotang trims Shuxin's fingernails in what Keni assumes is a bizarre beta courting ritual.

Her original intent to be subtle rapidly faltering under the weight of Zhaoxiaotangyushuxin's combined stare, Keni briefly weighs the cons of gossip against the pros of honesty, then sighs and mentally tosses the exercise. It's not like the former can be avoided in this micro-ecosystem. Being mysterious would just fuel the speculation.

She puts her hands together and bows. "Romantic advice, brothers!"

"Wow!" Zhaoxiaotangyushuxin exclaim.

"About an omega, then," Xue'er says.

"An omega here?" Xiaozhai asks.

"Obviously," Xiaotang answers for Keni. "It's not Zhuoyi, is it? Is this like FWB turned true love?"

"Xiaotang, your instincts are all wrong." Xue'er exchanges a look with Xiaozhai. "Keni, you don't seem like the type to need help with omegas." She doesn't say it like a supposition.

Still, Keni attempts to hedge one last time. "She's not… a traditional omega."

She doesn't need Xiaozhai's raised eyebrows to know that's a meaningless statement. The idea of 'traditional' is useless in describing most omegas these days. Behaviourally, it would be closer to the mark to say Yu Yan is like a traditional alpha.

She tries again. "I don't know how she would take being approached by an alpha." 

This is true. From day one, Yu Yan has associated herself with the alphas, whether deliberately or not, to the point that her actual dynamic didn't sink in for most trainees until the end of the first month; it didn't help that Yu Yan's scent has particularly weak sillage. One eliminated trainee had asked if she resented being an omega, a question Yu Yan hadn't acknowledged. To some extent, Keni thinks that Yu Yan is just more comfortable with them—a large subset of the other omegas had been terrified of her at the start—although it's true that Yu Yan hates to be underestimated or overlooked. 

Honestly, pheromones feel so irrelevant to her attraction to Yu Yan that Keni doesn't spend much time thinking about their dynamics, except that she has no idea what Yu Yan's romantic preferences are. Most expectations of alpha-omega relationships are more myth than biology, but some aspects are inescapable, and Keni knows that there are omegas who exclusively date betas or other omegas because of it. Yu Yan could easily be one of them.

Shuxin says, "Have you ever thought maybe that won't be a problem... because she doesn't think of you as an alpha?"

Keni blinks. God, betas were rude in the most confounding ways. "What?"

The other girls exchange looks. 

"You're talking about Yu Yan, right?" Shuxin clarifies. "The girl who has you flinching every time she enters a room?"

"She makes everybody flinch!"

Xue'er holds up a hand before Shuxin can reply. "I think the point is, if Yu Yan has issues with dating alphas, they might not apply to you. You guys are already so close anyway."

"I know what you guys are implying," Keni says accusingly. "I don't think Yu Yan has any problem getting along with alphas or seeing us as individuals. But dating an alpha comes with a label and I don't know how she feels about that." 

"That's true," Xiaotang says after a pause, raising her and Shuxin's joined hands. "Sorry, we plead beta ignorance." 

"I don't think Yu Yan has ever talked about dating or anything with the other omegas," Xiaozhai says, looking around for confirmation. "Sorry we can't be more help."

"But I think the fact that it's you still matters!" Shuxin interjects. "There's always going to be a label, especially because we're idols, but the person you are will influence how it's applied. That's what matters. I think you don't have as much to worry about as you think! And if I'm wrong I'll apologize."

Keni thinks about the next elimination, looming so close it sends a chill down her spine like an unseen predator on her territory. She scrounges up a smile. "Sure, just thought I'd ask. Thanks guys."

Yu Yan looks up from her desk the moment Keni toes around the door and her nostrils flare.

"Helping Zhuoyi again?" 

Keni's face heats up. "Um, yes. Sorry, I guess I didn't shower well enough."

Yu Yan takes another sharp sniff, but shrugs. "How is she? The next performances are coming up fast."

"Good, she rejoined practice today and I think she'll be totally back to normal tomorrow. It barely lasted three days this time." 

"So long." Yu Yan shakes her head. "I don't know how Zhuoyi manages. God, if it were me." 

What goes unsaid is that it could never be her, because Yu Yan crushed that possibility years ago when she elected to have a hysterectomy rather than deal with heats. It's a secret that someone with a prodigiously astute nose might be able to suspect, but to Keni's knowledge Yu Yan has only confirmed it to a select few. Keni herself wouldn't know if she hadn't accidentally intruded on Yu Yan and Liu Yuxin on the balcony once, but Yu Yan has never referenced her surgery since, nor seemed to hold the incident against her.

Keni lifts the sleeve of her cropped tee for a whiff. She can't smell anything but Yu Yan's own scent, which reads to her like a subtle single-note incense, clove or sandalwood. "I can come back another time if the smell bothers you." 

"Nah, c'mere." Yu Yan rolls her chair back until it bumps against her bed and pats the mattress. "You haven't dropped by in a while. Lingzi's not with you?"

Keni ducks and folds her limbs into the space of the lower bunk, feeling warm again for a different reason. Yu Yan is already dressed for bed, glasses perched on her nose. Without the sharp eye makeup, she looks unguarded and uncomplicated—not soft or plain, but no longer barbed. 

"Lingzi took a walk with Lin Fan or something, I dunno."

Yu Yan snorts. "That kid is treading such a thin line with Lu Keran lately, I can't tell if she's doing it on purpose or not."

"What would be the point? Keran is already obsessed with her. Lin Fan doesn't need to make her jealous." 

Yu Yan looks at her. "I think you're underestimating Keran's obliviousness."

Keni lies down and wiggles her shoulders until her head touches Yu Yan's forearm on the bed. "You really think Keran thinks she likes Lin Fan _as a friend_?" As she hoped, Yu Yan lifts her hand and buries her fingers in Keni's hair. 

"You can know how you feel about someone and not understand what that might actually entail."

Keni peers up at Yu Yan, leaning over the side of her chair like she's both hiding Keni and sheltering with her. Her face is close enough for Keni to see the fine fuzz on her cheeks, backlit by the desk lamp. Close enough that if Keni exhaled through her mouth, her breath would probably tickle Yu Yan's lips. Yu Yan's gel tips scratch lightly across her scalp and Keni relaxes, corner of her mouth turning up and a small rumble building in her chest. 

Yu Yan breathes deeply through her nose and makes a similar hum, almost like an answering purr. "Don't know how you managed the last two days either." 

"Sorry," Keni says again, more of a mumble. "Sorry I smell so much right now."

Yu Yan breathes in again. "S'okay. It's not bad." Her nails scrape behind Keni's ears and Keni's eyes flutter. Suddenly, she can't keep her eyes open. The fatigue of nonstop practice and fear of potentially being sent home swell inside her. Her spine feels like it's melting into the lumpy surface of Yu Yan's blankets. 

"Maybe she understands but doesn't know if she's ready," Keni whispers. She raises a heavy hand, trying to bring it near Yu Yan's face. Yu Yan looks at her seriously, like she'll believe anything Keni tells her. Keni tries to collect her last remaining scatters of energy, summoning it from the farthest reserves in her body to the back of her throat, the tip of her tongue.

The hours blur together under the hot stage lights and the ambient noise of the set, her body flashing hot and cold beneath the unbreathable fabric of her uniform and the icy blasts of the fans whirring behind her legs. The back of Keni's inner blouse soaked through with sweat within the first thirty minutes, and she keeps wondering whether the cameras will pick up where her makeup has melted. She's half-convinced her face will burn her fingertips if she touches it, meanwhile ice cubes of nausea tumble like dice in her stomach. 

When the display screens light up with the list of names for ranks 22 to 29, Keni swears she goes blind for a split second. She nods, keeping her lips in a tight smile and trying not to blink the tears out of her eyes. If she cries now she won't be able to stop. Holding in her tears also ensures she can't see anything clearly, which means she doesn't have to look anyone in the face. She can make out the red smudge of Yu Yan's hair across the set, and she remembers where Lingzi and Keran sat down, but she doesn't have to know if she's making eye contact. 

Her or Lin Fan.

Any minute now, Kun PD will announce the verdict. 

Keni's heart is rabbiting in her chest, every ounce of her desperate to hit the pause button. The suspense is torture, but at the same time she wants to stall, kick and squeal and slam the breaks—just for another day, or another five minutes. Her feet curl in her shoes and her thighs flex against the sticky seat of her chair, ready to bolt. 

If she had another day, she would work up the courage to tell Yu Yan, instead of chickening out like she has every night for the past week. She would clutch her fists and clench her core and grit her teeth to weather through any reaction or response, just to have Yu Yan know what's inside of her. 

If she gets sent home today, she might never say a word. 

She would have time to speak to Yu Yan between the cameras turning off and her taxi to the airport, but the animal in her snarls at the thought. It can't bear the idea of biting and running, would swallow its jagged feelings whole rather than spit them out and vanish like hunted prey. She's always been obstinate and afraid of the extraordinary, afraid of being ordinary. She can't give Yu Yan the opportunity to think of her as another passing alpha. Keni wants the winning chance or no chance at all; like this entire competition, it's a confrontation of herself as much as anything else. 

She blows out a shaky breath, bottom lip pushing into a pout, conscious of the lenses zoomed in on her.

It's not as though she didn't know this would happen or hadn't prepared herself for it, but regret always hurts worse than imagined.

"The twentieth place," Kun PD says from very far away, "is from OACA Entertainment, Zeng Keni." 

Someone behind her grabs her right shoulder. Her own hands are already on her face, hot tears finally burning down her cheeks. Someone is squeezing and shaking her. Keni knows she has to go and tries to get herself together, but her heart is peeling apart, flayed into a hundred thousand pieces. 

"Zeng Keni, twentieth!" Zuo Zhuo hisses. 

Conscious of the cameras, Keni dabs her face clean and gulps in as much air as her lungs can hold. Kun PD reads out numbers that she will later look up so she can marvel over every digit. Eventually, somehow, she stands and her vision clears enough for her to make her way down the steps and along the aisle. 

At some point, she crosses the floor. Keni walks past the rest of the top 20 and none of them register in her mind except for Lu Keran, who looks as wet and shredded as she feels. She thinks she can fleetingly remember passing Lin Fan and immediately forgets it, can't recall what expression was on Lin Fan's face at all. There's a microphone in her hands before she gets on the podium for her speech.

Her eyes finally land on Yu Yan and she almost turns towards her, raising her mic to her parted lips, before she catches herself. Keni has yearned for time and learned to wait. She can be patient for another hour or so more. There's something else she has to say first.


End file.
